Everybody has their own personal body demon, don’t they? Y’know, that part of your figure you really don’t like, that you’re always wishing could be different. For as long as I can remember I’ve hated my legs. While doing ballet at the age of five I was conscious of my plump thighs. In secondary school my classmates glided along on coltish limbs while I lumbered on stumpy triangles.
Today, at the age of 28 I’m not quite that girl anymore. I’m objective enough to see that, really, my legs aren’t all that bad. My knees are chubbier than I’d like and I have cellulite, so no-one’s ever going to ask me to be the face of Gilette, but my legs are strong and they get me places, which is all you can ask of them really.
But then summer rolls around, and all that good sense flies out the window at the first hint of sunshine. The last few years have been a god-send to me. Maxis and midis have been all the rage, so there has been no need for me to bare more than my (actually quite decent) calves. I have spent years looking on enviously at women going about their business in shorts, seemingly free of the shackles of insecurity. Of course that’s not true, those women are probably cringing about their arms, stomachs, breasts or goodness knows what other imagined disfigurement, but thats how it seems. I’m straight back to my 9-year old, 34b wearing self, comparing my curves to pre-pubescent sylphs in the changing rooms. And it doesn’t feel good.
So this year, I made a decision. I was going to buy a pair of shorts (while exercising regularly, body-brushing for England and drinking enough water to fill the Grand Canyon). And yesterday, the transaction took place, so I am now the proud owner of not one, but two, pairs of Gap’s finest shorts.
I bought the ‘Boyfriend roll-up shorts’ in a lovely grey (not on the website, natch), which are very flattering and a great length for chasing after children – no risk of over-exposure.
I also bought the ‘Sunkissed shorts’ in bright blue (also not online). These are quite a bit shorter and will take some working up to but, hey, in for a penny, in for a pound!
I wore the boyfriends today for a day at Brighton beach. And, guess what? No-one died. No children were traumatised. No elderly women fainted. In fact, I’d go as far as to say that no-one gave a monkey’s. No photos, I’m afraid – Rome wasn’t built in a day, but I’ve definitely laid the foundations.